Red

Cherry, the color of blood

Ruby, vibrant and alive

Copper, soaking on the walls

Flaming, burning passion between two people

Scarlet, stop, pause, record

Cardinal, color so rich, it can’t help being noticed,

Glowing, hot as anger

Crimson, a love so strong, it begs to be felt

Puce, pain and damage

I see red when I think of you. Can’t you see all the paradox you make me feel?

March 2017 Photo-A-Day Challenge Day 24 - I feel...

So I happy I finally got new specs! Clearer lens and better vision with frames that suit me! For the first time, I'm looking forward to wearing specs! For the first time, I really love my frames. :D No awkward nerdy feeling, just kawaii nerdy feels! XD

Bend in the road

I will miss all this. I will miss things I never thought I would experience. These excitements and thrills that make me feel alive. Make me feel that I’m making a difference. Despite all that, I must move on and say goodbye. I must think of the long run.

These thrills are momentary. Once they end, the charm wears off and I’m back to the usual. Would I exchange momentary excitement for an opportunity that I know would make me happier? That would benefit me in the long run? I think not. I made my choice. I will face the consequences and make sacrifices. Sacrifices that I know I can give up for something I want. Something I’ve been waiting for so long.

Life is full of choices and sacrifices. You choose what you’re willing to lose in order to gain.

Coming back won’t be the same. I’m not the same. It’s a start of a new journey. Familiar environment perhaps but never the same. We can never go back to what once was, we can only start again.

So to anyone who is starting again, stay strong. Pray to God for strength and guidance. Hope for the best but be prepared. Keep up the faith for exciting things may come at the bend in the road.

'Smell the flowers' 🌸

They say time flies when you’re having fun. I couldn’t agree more. But here’s the catch. Time flies when I’m with you whether we’re having fun, doing nothing or even if we’re not in good terms. *cough LQ * cough

It’s kind of difficult that we have different views on time. You pursue your goals to the point that you sometimes forget to live in the present. To “stop and smell the flowers” as they say. No matter how much I try to explain that concept, you don’t get it. You’re whole being rebels at the thought of pausing. Perhaps it’s because you haven’t seen what time sweeps away when you least notice its passing. Perhaps it’s because you’re the eldest kid and you lead the way that you don’t see the pitfalls of rushing towards that goal too fast, sacrificing precious moments that will never return.

I, on the other hand, have seen countless moments go to waste because proper attention wasn’t given to them. When the person wished to go back to that time, relive it... it’s gone forever. It’s not gonna happen the way one envisions it; slipped from one’s fingers completely. A sad mimicry to that moment to make up for lost time is mostly the remedy but the essence of that moment is lost forever.

I want to avoid such occurrence so I do my best to grab that moment, hold on to it, chase it, crystallize it so I can always go back to it when I need to. I have this great need to document all the important phases of my life because I don’t want to miss anything. I don’t want history to repeat itself. I don’t want to make the same mistake of taking things for granted, of always thinking I have more time with this person because one can never know the changes that might come. Better be safe than sorry. You may be irritated at how zealous I am at being IN THE MOMENT but I don’t care. You can get mad all you like but I’m not taking chances. Never again.

I hope one day you will be able to fully grasp my perspective and learn to slow down and smell the flowers. That you will come to appreciate the moment without suddenly jumping because you remember the rat race towards your goal.

I’m not asking you to stop chasing those goals, just slow down enough that you balance that fiery passion with cool leisure.

Relationship adjustments

The thing about pride is, once you shrug it off for someone, you don’t know what actions to take next. Should I make the next move? Should I keep on waiting in case he wants to be left alone?

I’m a person who doesn’t make the first move. Out of shyness or fear or rebuff. I don’t want to appear too easy, as well, so I take my sweet time in responding. However, circumstances have pushed me to shed this garment called pride.

I’m in a pinch and adjusting to this new way of responding & doing things. To not to think too much about my ego and think about what’s for the greater good of the relationship. I hope this will lead to better days.

This thought was written months ago and I must say there's a bit of improvement in controlling my pride. Either that or he's learned not to match my anger and temper with his own. Hahaha. Either way, we are now able to keep flaring tempers at a minimum and understand each other better when conflicts arise. If I get whiny and moody, he seems to keep his cool by now and instead offers comforts (massage or cuddles or treats) to lift my spirits. Good job, us, in adjusting to each other's needs. :)

Photo post 15

I just need to let these feelings out to the point that I made a textgram out of it. (ᕗ ಠ︡益︠ಠ︠)ᕗ︵ ┻┻

Hello to housewives and housemoms! You are appreciated

Being a housewife or housemom is celebrated during certain events in a year but under the day to day grind, it is usually seen as the lesser “career” or “profession.” Why though? Just because someone wants to stay at home instead of pursuing a career, doesn’t mean she is less of a person than those who strive to be at the top of their careers. I’m not bashing those who are career people because it’s good that you have such ambitions but please don’t let it get to your head and think yourselves better than those who chose to stay at home. Others have “no choice” as they prefer to have hands-on involvement with their children and making sure that the house is a warm home that welcomes the kids and the husband.

So what if what you want is not the rat race that everyone is scrambling for? If you want to be a stay at home wife or mother then be the best stay at home wife or mother you can be. Do what can be done to make your home a better place, make it into a “career” that can make you happy and proud.

Until now, I still encounter people who frown upon those who prefer to stay at home. They put their noses up in the air and think lowly of those housewives/housemoms thinking the latter’s lives are boring. If you do what you love, you will bloom and flourish. Not everyone can be lawyers or doctors or nurses or what. Don’t fit yourself in a hole if you’re a star. Be a star and shine and let others see that you are proud of what you do and loving it.

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Thoughts # 17

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"I’m a paradox. I want to be happy, but I think of things that make me sad. I’m lazy, yet I’m ambitious. I don’t like myself, but I also love who I am. I say I don’t care, but I really do. I crave attention, but reject it when it comes my way. I’m a conflicted contradiction. If I can’t figure myself out, there’s no way anyone else has." —unlockingparadise

An open letter to people who find comfort in uplifting others

Dear you,

      Cloudy and stormy days come to all of us. We weather through it because we have to. The world doesn’t stop with us feeling bad about every unfortunate event that happens to us. Instead we plow forward with all the strength that we could muster, asking God Almighty to sustain us and give us the strength that we need.

      We cope with bad news differently. I cope by first doing things that I find amusing; something that can happily distract me from my demise. What is the easiest way to take my mind off things than to do something I enjoy and take all my attention? 

     We tend to act selfishly when we’re hurt. We think of ourselves first and solve our problems before anybody else’s and I think that’s okay, too. We are the master of our happiness and if being selfish will make us feel better then so be it. Of course, don’t go overboard as hurting somebody just for the sake of your happiness.

      However, there is also joy in uplifting someone else’s sad spirit.

     Here’s a little story of how I came to realize how warm and happy my heart feels after cheering up somebody else when I was also suffering: 

       I was stressed out and in despair over life matters that seem to go the wrong way. I was tired but a friend asked me for advice. She’s depressed and confused about certain people. A complicated relationship, perhaps? I didn’t ask the details but instead asked for an analogy so I can understand the situation and give her a piece of my mind. I don’t think I was able to give a sound advice but I offered a listening ear and later decided to give her a little something. A candy with a written “free hugs” coupon sounds insignificant however I delivered those to her in the hopes that she’ll feel better. Lo and  behold! Far from my expectations she feels cheered up. I felt that that small gesture was like an assurance that someone cares. That despite all the negativity, there are people out there who care and who are also suffering. That she is not alone and I think that makes all the difference in the world. That feeling that you are not unique in your suffering gives you strength. 

      That gesture has a double-sided effect. It affected us both. We both felt that we’re not alone. We both got strength from knowing that people out there are coping in their own way and that someone almost always cares about us despite our belief that we’re alone.

      So reader, whenever you feel sad, try uplifting someone’s spirit. You never know how much that person needs that lifeline.

                                                                              Sincerely,
                                                                              A Friend. 

Dreams and fears go hand in hand

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 "If you’re not scared, it’s not big enough.” - Unknown

This sentence didn’t hold much meaning for me until that one milestone happened in my life. I never wanted anything as much as I wanted that thus the amount of fear I feel is directly proportional to how much I want it.

I’ve been waiting for that chance for a long time, it aches. I wanted it so much to come true and for things to fall into place around it. No matter what happens, I have no regrets in taking that chance and that everything for it is worth the consequences I might face.

As far as I can remember, I wanted things without exercising this much effort. My attitude was more like, if it’s for me, then okay, if not, I will move on. This time, my soul felt like it was being ripped from the strong want I feel. This time I made every effort so I have no regrets in seizing this chance with both hands and that’s why I fear so much. I fear that I will be devastated. I fear that in the end, the one thing I want won’t be given to me. What if it will be given to me and yet things won’t work out and I will end up letting it go not because I didn’t earn it but because of external forces stopping me from fully embracing my current greatest wish!

I know I shouldn’t overthink and my mom tells me this is just an exercise on my emotions. She believes I’ve been through life barely scathed and have it easy that’s why I need all the preparation I can get for more treacherous waters ahead. I shudder to think how this can be easy compared to future turbulence. However, I go through day by day and doing my best to put it at the back of my mind and lock it inside a dark drawer. I need to function as best I could and appear that I’m not fazed by anything.  I know everyone is facing a battle that befits their current situation and my problem is not unique. This should give me comfort and on most days it does, however there are just teeny moments when that anxiety seeps from the dark drawer where it belongs. I squash it immediately before it distracts me further.

For us who are going through a situation wherein we don’t know what to do or how to manoeuvre our way to “cushion” pitfalls, let’s just repeat this mantra, “I’ll cross the bridge when I get there... I’ll cross the bridge when I get there.” It may not be of much help in the actual situation but it helps your psyche. Keeping a calm mind and a good head on your shoulders is important to your health so that you’ll be in good shape when the boat is rocked. So let’s keep the faith and support each other whatever we decide to do with our lives.