Shutdown

The only way for me to survive pain is to shut it all out. Any feeling or affection would only get in the way. If my love remains, the pain would be too great for me to bear. Better to be cold than in pain.

Silence can kill

As venomous silence followed venomous silence,

poison spread in her heart;

turning it black by the second.

Any affection left was cast out to the darkness.

Thoughts # 19

Life choices are not usually between bad and good. More often than not, it’s between good and better, which is the lesser evil. It’s difficult to choose which is better among the good with fear that perhaps your “better” choice is not the best among the good. Same goes for which is the lesser evil.

Inked

She wrote letters to stamp her words in ink.

She froze a moment, a kind word, encouragement.

She made herself available in paper.

A part of her one can always go back to.

A conversation forever replayed in pages.

She will be remembered by the words she left.

Bend in the road

I will miss all this. I will miss things I never thought I would experience. These excitements and thrills that make me feel alive. Make me feel that I’m making a difference. Despite all that, I must move on and say goodbye. I must think of the long run.

These thrills are momentary. Once they end, the charm wears off and I’m back to the usual. Would I exchange momentary excitement for an opportunity that I know would make me happier? That would benefit me in the long run? I think not. I made my choice. I will face the consequences and make sacrifices. Sacrifices that I know I can give up for something I want. Something I’ve been waiting for so long.

Life is full of choices and sacrifices. You choose what you’re willing to lose in order to gain.

Coming back won’t be the same. I’m not the same. It’s a start of a new journey. Familiar environment perhaps but never the same. We can never go back to what once was, we can only start again.

So to anyone who is starting again, stay strong. Pray to God for strength and guidance. Hope for the best but be prepared. Keep up the faith for exciting things may come at the bend in the road.

Thoughts # 18

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Never set relationship goals based on other people. Make your own goals. Go for what makes you happy. You'll only end up disappointed and disillusioned when you see them fall apart thinking they're the perfect couple to emulate. You think there's no "forever" just because a "perfect" couple didn't work out. You start having doubts about your relationship which may end in ruins, too. Stop comparing and do more of what makes your relationship happy and healthy.

'Smell the flowers' 🌸

They say time flies when you’re having fun. I couldn’t agree more. But here’s the catch. Time flies when I’m with you whether we’re having fun, doing nothing or even if we’re not in good terms. *cough LQ * cough

It’s kind of difficult that we have different views on time. You pursue your goals to the point that you sometimes forget to live in the present. To “stop and smell the flowers” as they say. No matter how much I try to explain that concept, you don’t get it. You’re whole being rebels at the thought of pausing. Perhaps it’s because you haven’t seen what time sweeps away when you least notice its passing. Perhaps it’s because you’re the eldest kid and you lead the way that you don’t see the pitfalls of rushing towards that goal too fast, sacrificing precious moments that will never return.

I, on the other hand, have seen countless moments go to waste because proper attention wasn’t given to them. When the person wished to go back to that time, relive it... it’s gone forever. It’s not gonna happen the way one envisions it; slipped from one’s fingers completely. A sad mimicry to that moment to make up for lost time is mostly the remedy but the essence of that moment is lost forever.

I want to avoid such occurrence so I do my best to grab that moment, hold on to it, chase it, crystallize it so I can always go back to it when I need to. I have this great need to document all the important phases of my life because I don’t want to miss anything. I don’t want history to repeat itself. I don’t want to make the same mistake of taking things for granted, of always thinking I have more time with this person because one can never know the changes that might come. Better be safe than sorry. You may be irritated at how zealous I am at being IN THE MOMENT but I don’t care. You can get mad all you like but I’m not taking chances. Never again.

I hope one day you will be able to fully grasp my perspective and learn to slow down and smell the flowers. That you will come to appreciate the moment without suddenly jumping because you remember the rat race towards your goal.

I’m not asking you to stop chasing those goals, just slow down enough that you balance that fiery passion with cool leisure.

Relationship adjustments

The thing about pride is, once you shrug it off for someone, you don’t know what actions to take next. Should I make the next move? Should I keep on waiting in case he wants to be left alone?

I’m a person who doesn’t make the first move. Out of shyness or fear or rebuff. I don’t want to appear too easy, as well, so I take my sweet time in responding. However, circumstances have pushed me to shed this garment called pride.

I’m in a pinch and adjusting to this new way of responding & doing things. To not to think too much about my ego and think about what’s for the greater good of the relationship. I hope this will lead to better days.

This thought was written months ago and I must say there's a bit of improvement in controlling my pride. Either that or he's learned not to match my anger and temper with his own. Hahaha. Either way, we are now able to keep flaring tempers at a minimum and understand each other better when conflicts arise. If I get whiny and moody, he seems to keep his cool by now and instead offers comforts (massage or cuddles or treats) to lift my spirits. Good job, us, in adjusting to each other's needs. :)

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I just need to let these feelings out to the point that I made a textgram out of it. (ᕗ ಠ︡益︠ಠ︠)ᕗ︵ ┻┻

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Feast your eyes on these cool and refreshing images! ≧❂◡❂≦

I love the air bubbles detail. ♥

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Hello to housewives and housemoms! You are appreciated

Being a housewife or housemom is celebrated during certain events in a year but under the day to day grind, it is usually seen as the lesser “career” or “profession.” Why though? Just because someone wants to stay at home instead of pursuing a career, doesn’t mean she is less of a person than those who strive to be at the top of their careers. I’m not bashing those who are career people because it’s good that you have such ambitions but please don’t let it get to your head and think yourselves better than those who chose to stay at home. Others have “no choice” as they prefer to have hands-on involvement with their children and making sure that the house is a warm home that welcomes the kids and the husband.

So what if what you want is not the rat race that everyone is scrambling for? If you want to be a stay at home wife or mother then be the best stay at home wife or mother you can be. Do what can be done to make your home a better place, make it into a “career” that can make you happy and proud.

Until now, I still encounter people who frown upon those who prefer to stay at home. They put their noses up in the air and think lowly of those housewives/housemoms thinking the latter’s lives are boring. If you do what you love, you will bloom and flourish. Not everyone can be lawyers or doctors or nurses or what. Don’t fit yourself in a hole if you’re a star. Be a star and shine and let others see that you are proud of what you do and loving it.

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Green goodness!

Symphony Torte

I am never a fan of green tea, even now. However, one fateful incident happened which drove me to try green tea based sweets, cookies and cakes. It all turned around when my boyfriend and I decided to eat at Lachi’s. The waiting list for the next vacant table was long but there are only two of us so our chances are bigger compared to larger groups. After 10-15 minutes of waiting, we got a chance to land a table for two. We ordered our meals; he ordered Beef Salpicado while I chose Grilled Pork Chop. Affordable meals for thrifty persons like us (haha!).

We pored over the menu on which cake we will try. I opted for Symphony Torte since it boasted “Layers of mocha buttercream and chocolate ganache separate thin layers of soft sponge cake. This elegant composition has seven layers and a fabulous taste.” Who wouldn’t be enticed to try it out? Since my boyfriend is not a sweet tooth, he opted for Greentea Cheesecake. I was suspicious since I am not a fan so I kept my reservations and proceeded to devour my meal.

Greentea Cheesecake

As the desserts were served, I happily dug into my sumptuous Symphony Torte while he enjoyed his Greetea Cheesecake. “Try it, it’s yummy.” Please, nag bisaya mi ato pero for the sake na masabtan sa tanan, i-translate nako ang thought into English. Haha. “You sure? You know I don’t like green tea flavours but I trust your judgement.” I was hesitant since I’m not a fan of green tea and even Kit Kat didn’t win me over their matcha variant. I carefully took a small sample...only to be shocked at how creamy, mildly sweet and yummy it was! I wanted more and it changed my perspective on green tea sweets. Of course, it’s still not my favourite flavour, however, I am giving green tea sweets a chance. Hahaha.

I noticed how he likes green tea based sweets and pastries (he never likes sweets!) so I decided to bake green tea based cookies. I kept crossing my fingers that it would turn out good. I asked my baker friends where they buy their green tea powder and told me I can buy it at Rafski. They close at 5:00 PM which is a pity since my time out at the office is 5:00 PM onwards so my boyfriend offered to go undertime and buy the ingredients for me. HOORAY! So I finally whipped Matcha Green Tea Cookies last weekend. It turned out alright! My mother even bought another pack of white chocolate for the recipe so I can bake another batch next weekend!

Here are the Matcha Green Tea Cookies! Thank you Fortune Goodies for your easy and yummy recipe! Even someone with a sweet tooth like me enjoyed this matcha gren tea recipe! I hope to try your other recipes in the future! I will also try other green tea sweets like crinkles or brownies. Wish me luck!

My prototype!

 Here’s the link of the recipe: Matcha Green Tea Cookies

Go ahead and try this recipe! Have fun baking!