Compensations

        I can remember way back when I try very hard to help people with their love lives. I intervene if I can and I always offer advice so that they will end up happy together. I try to be their bridge so they can reach a happy ending. I realized that if I can’t have a happy ending with someone, then at least others will, especially my close friends. I helped them to compensate for my lack of love life. I always thought that I must improve some of my qualities so that I will be able to meet someone who will be able to accept me. But it proved difficult and so I channeled my energies into making my friends happy about their crushes. I always end up in this situation where the people my crushes like are my friends. So I was like the odd one out, overlooked, bro-zoned and sister-zoned. Hahahaha I eventually learned to accept that fact and help them.

        I guess that’s normal human nature where we help others achieve something we feel we can never have. Parents give or provide their children with the things in life that they weren’t able to experience during their younger years. As for me, I give chances in the region of love to my friends so that there’ll be less people having love life problems. How idealistic was I? I labored and talked to each party (without giving much away, just little nudges here and there) and gauge on what plans to make to give them chances for a happy ending. My “love life” back then was in smithereens and I feel that I’m not enough because the guy that I like kinda likes me but it was an on and off thing. One day he likes me, the next he avoids me. That cycle went on and on which made me believe there must be something lacking in me. It made my cynical towards anybody who says they like me. Because of that belief, I had almost given up on finding someone and just accept that maybe I’m meant to live alone. Maybe I will be forever Friend A (watch YOUR LIE IN APRIL for reference) who supports the budding love of my friends. 

       Regardless of the situation, what we lack, what we try to compensate for, we almost always help others in what areas we feel most weak. In them we see the success we wish we had or the achievement we wish we were able to reach.