Past peeping at me

I regularly check my emails so that they won’t expire or get cancelled. I first checked my oldest email ad which was actually made by my sister when I needed one way back grade school days. I checked at old messages saved in folders & felt a pang at how much my sister & I exchanged emails. The messages are mostly forwarded kinds but it made me realize how much we emailed each other before especially when she no longer lived in the same city as I. How things changed! To think that they (her family) is planning to move to another country! That’s so far. It was already saddening when they no longer lived in the same city, let alone a different country! Nobody knows what’s gonna happen in the future. We can only hope & do the best that we can in the present.
 

There are also other messages that I found in my inbox; messages from people in the past whom I was close friends with but now seemingly distant. It made me wonder what happened between us, why we became all distant. I suppose I grew out of them or vice versa. Either way we took different paths & were not able to return to the way we used to be unlike some people. Some of us don’t talk anymore or have almost nothing to talk about. I can’t even talk to them or when I DO try to talk to them, they wouldn’t reply to my queries. It’s kind of discouraging to continue to contact them when it’s already obvious that they don’t care as much as I do because if they do have even a bit of concern, they would reply. All I get are “seens” from FB messages I sent to them. So I decided to move on with my life & be content with what I have.

So there, things & people may change but what happened will never change. Mementos that are born from those events will remind us of what was. It will peep at us when we least expect it & send our hearts aching for something that will never come back, that is never the same.

Another one of my old writings that I want to share on this blog. ;) FYI, my sister and her family flew to Australia June last year so this writing was, I guess, months or weeks before their flight.

Comfort and Joie

I was really down because of work issues but this guy cheered me up just by being with me and spending time with me. I know that he's also tired from work but he makes time just so we can be together. We are each others stress relievers. I couldn't have thought of a better way to relax, release the bad vibes and just chill than just being with Christian. It makes my heart melt every time he says he is at ease with me. That he can just be his natural self when being with me even though he annoys me A LOT because he loves to tease me all the time for every little thing. It's a pain that we live so far away from each other but I'm forever thankful that despite the distance, he makes an effort to spend time with me or visit me. Who would have thought, right? We are opposites and we rarely have anything in common even with our environment but we found each other. Like puzzle pieces that are totally different, we fit each other.

Late night realizations

One turns off their phone not because they don't want to receive calls but because they want to avoid the pain of disappointment when they receive none.

To be called mine

               Crave

I crave your every touch

I crave your very presence

And it seems time has no power

To quench that yearning

It’s crazy that I could be so in love with a person that feels like the exact opposite of who I am. I know opposites attract but somehow I feel that almost in every aspect of our life, we are at the opposite sides of the spectrum. I didn’t even want you in the first place but it surprised me that my gutsy attitude and no care air I give off towards you would spark a curiosity that would turn into admiration. I always put people off by being aloof but it amazes you how I can be fine on my own, that I don’t need other people to make me happy.

You like talking with people, getting to know them and analyzing their personality (haha wag kang praning). I, on the other hand, am picky with people. I try to “feel” my way towards them then make friends. I’m a wallflower and you’re the center of attention. How could you notice me? Eventually, your weirdness and your persistence towards getting answers about me made me look at you on a personal level. There I got to know a bit of who you are and everything went downhill from there… KIDDING! Before I knew it you are pulling me towards you and there was no way I can take a step back from falling in love with you. We are only on our second month but we feel comfortable with each other. I haven’t known you for a year but things just fell into place.

One day with you is not enough to quench the need to feel connected with you. Crazy, right? I, who is every bit self-absorbed, would want my whole day to be with another person. I’m not fond of feeling that someone “owns” me. I prefer to stay autonomous but with you… I don’t mind being called mine. I must be losing my mind.

We don’t have to do anything, just being together is fine. Even if we are doing different things, as long as I can feel your presence with me, it’s already enough to make my heart sing. It also scares me at the same time because I don’t know how long my happy bubble will last until a pin will pop it. Despite our strong feelings towards each other, it hasn’t been an easy road and I know more obstacles are gonna come our way. But as long as we love each other and we are willing to work things out no matter what and that breakup is never an option, then I pray to God that we can really make it through.

Abused Generosity

Mother told me this story about an old woman who keeps on visiting our little sari-sari store way before I was born. She would give food to the old woman and ask her about who she is and how she’s doing and where are her relatives. The old woman replied that she’s separated from her family and wants to go home to the province and be reunited with them. My mother, being compassionate, fed her and gave her money so she can return home. Surprisingly the woman kept coming back so my mother wondered why she didn’t return home yet after giving her money. My mom then found out that it was just a modus operandi. The old woman actually lives nearby and tells stories about returning home so she can ask for money and be given free food. My mother was terribly hurt over being deceived. After that my mother became cautious of people who are asking money to go home to his or her family. Mother just wishes that whatever assistance she gave that old woman; she put it to good use.

This is another old writeup I composed. I forget when exactly but I think I was still in college or about to graduate or a fresh grad.