Settling

"There are many things that can keep you in a relationship," he says. His eyes are begging me to listen. "Fear of being alone. Fear of disrupting the arrangement of your life. A decision to settle for something that's okay, because you don't know if you can get any better. Or maybe there's the irrational belief that it will get better, even if you know he won't change."

 - David Levithan, Another Day

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 THIS. This conversation in the book hit me hard. Settling.. A is making Rhiannon see that she's just settling with Justin. I think I was a Rhiannon back then. Not total hopeless Rhiannon but I settled because I feared that I will never have a relationship better that I had back then. I made excuses for every mistake and the line between right and wrong blurred. My friends were warning me and I know the logical part of my brain is shouting to my heart that enough is enough.

It took me a while though before I finally made up my mind to let go. To see and believe reason and to keep believing that better things are coming. It wasn't easy. I was afraid at first but the freedom I felt after I finally decided to CHOOSE ME was exhilarating. Of course, I faced repercussions and the ire of quite a number of people but I was moving forward. I left it all behind and that was one of the best decisions I ever made.

In the end, you choose yourself because only you will face the consequences of your decisions. Not them, who can only give you advice on what they think is best and not having to suffer for the consequences. I hope this time I'm not just settling. I hope this time I'm not backsliding to the dark pit I once was in. 

Thoughts # 16

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The catch about having a partner who doesn’t care about how you look (you don’t have to dress up/wear makeup or doesn’t care if you dye your hair in rainbow colors) is that you’re not sure if he really loves you deeper than your looks or he simply doesn’t care.

Jeepney

As the jeepney sped towards home
Earphones plugged in my ears
Usual music that I listen to
I’m slowly feeling that I’m returning 
To the life I once knew

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Photo post # 11

Everyday reminder...

Relationship goals # 10

Reach for our dreams side by side. We may have different paths and goals but we face the same direction: forward. 

Towards a future together.

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Everyday prayers

• Lord, grant me the wisdom to say the right words and when to say them.
• Lord, grant me the prudence to remain silent when words are not needed.
• Lord, cover me with your most precious blood to protect me from all forms of harm. 
• Lord, give me the grace to understand others and be compassionate. 
• Thank you, Lord, for the true peace only you can give to an anxious soul. 
• Thank you, Lord, for the grace and favor that you showered upon me that I may also be a blessing to others.
• Above all, thank you for the strength to do all the good works you prepared for me through Christ who gives me strength, amen